The Notebook

Wow! My fave author's book has been made into a movie (Nicholas Sparks: Notebook). Can't wait to see it. I yearn to have a love that Ally and Noah shared... its everlasting. I read all his books except for "A walk to remember" and "Message in a bottle" (saw the movie though; tearjerker) .. Hope to add these two books to my collection :)

After watching "The Apprentice" last night, i learnt one thing - you have to be firm and stand your ground and don't let anyone push you around when the need arises - at least in Donald Trump's eyes that is a mark of a good entepreneur! Today, I stood my ground and I felt better after that (I want to focus fulltime on my role as PM - it is taxing enough - and not juggle other roles belonging to others; am not paid to do that also am not doing justice to myself and others). Yes, you want my opinion, I will give it to you but if you want decisions pertaining to your dept, I can't coz its beyond me. "Too many cooks spoil the broth" rite? Ok, enough about work! (jaded!)...

Strong Enough (Stacie Orrico)
... I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war has just begun
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me...

Gaga over Yoga... oolala!

What a pleasant surprise! I thought I would see Min for Yoga; turned out Clarence was teaching last night :) ... A patient instructor with a nice mellow voice, pleasant face and oh that bod (admire guys who can do splits! Did you know that Yoga did wonders to Sting's sex life?) No wonder the class was more crowded than usual (how some of the girls purposely did the wrong steps so that Clarence could correct their moves; touchy touchy). Verdict: I'm glad to inform you that w.e.f today, I am a Wednesday Yoga student convert ha! ;P

What did I learn about work today? (It was nice meeting Paul the Aussie trainer) Business is business - you need help, you have to pay for it; no more 'free lunches' (even if I bat my thick lashes), huh? We'll have to see what happens at the end of this week.

At the same time, when push comes to shove, there is only so much one can do if he is constraint by his experience or expertise... I empathise with my tech team (credit for trying so hard doing so much trial and error on tasks that are 'foreign' to them) Bottomline, do we work smart or work hard? I'd rather work smart (need to weigh the opportunity costs and manage client's expectation)... You can only get away with 'smoking' for so long, right? Hmm...

My dive buddy is really on a roll in terms of vacationing! He's flying to Bangkok next. See him when he's back... can't wait to grab the pics of our Manado dive trip! Thanks Chung Yan for the word of encouragement about my bouyancy; will work on it :)

My younger bro will be having his convocation this Sunday and mum is very excited (she just had to remind me that she was sad that she missed my convocation yada yada yada) Ok, must remember to bring camera then!

Arrggghhh, I need to READ! (What can I say; am a bookworm) Will try to purchase a book at Borders or Kino sometime this week or next when I go downtown.

Baby Don't You Break My Heart Slow (Vonda Shepard:1999)
... I'd rather you be mean than love and lie
I'd rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I'd rather take a blow; at least then i would know
but baby don't you break my heart slow...

PS: About Clarence, my alter ego has spoken, ha! For me, I just miss my dar, that's all...

Don't Know Why

Funny, on my way home last night, as I was reading the concluding chapter of James Patterson's "Sam's Letters to Jennifer". A tear managed to escape and trickled down my cheek *embarassed* (I was on the MRT with the post dinner crowd) :P

Its a touching read; morbid as death is, its a reality. On hindsight, the contra of death is hope (well, at least to me it is!). Aptly concluded, "Love never dies". It renewed my conviction that love can make the impossible possible, if you put yr heart, mind and soul at it (alil faith helps too!). I yearn for a Brendan as well. Grab the book and read (you'll never want to put it down once you start).

Today upon reflection of turn of events at work, I learnt that communication is key. We don't usually pick up the vibes at the first try but the more we seek for an answer, the more it reveals itself. I also learnt that most people rather take the back seat and let someone else 'drives'. Apathetic/complacency? Don't know. Lack of motivation/incentive? Perhaps. We get jaded sometimes in the course of work (normal right?). Vicious cylce? Hope not...

Have not gone for any form of solid exercise since my return from Manado (swarmed with work!). But today, I will endevour to go for Yoga (prefer her to the Monday's class instructor). As for now, all I want to be is a 'Painter'...thinking of you, dar (hoping, praying and wishing you well).

Painter Song - Norah Jones
If I were a painter
I would paint my reverie
If that's the only way for you to be with me
We'd be there together
Just like we used to be
Underneath the swirling skies for all to see
And I'm dreaming of a place
Where I could see your face
And I think my brush would take me there
But only...If I were a painter
And could paint a memory
I'd climb inside the swirling skies to be with you
I'd climb inside the skies to be with you

Long Day is Over

What a long day... can hear Norah Jones singing "The Long Day Is Over" in my head :P

Time now 8.45pm. Suddenly I remembered what Mary from The Bachelor 3 said, "Even if the relationship is over and you move on; the love for the person remains; it never goes away".

In retrospect, I agree with her... there has never been a point in my life where I stop loving the people whom crossed path with me. Perhaps the degree and the nature of love differs with time... shall we call it affection? Yes, affection remains. The lyrics by Dido (White Flag) rings true.

As human beings, we have moments of weakness (no one is perfect yeah?); sometimes it scares us to retrace our steps and reflect on what we did wrong or even to swallow some pride and say "I've messed up" (sometimes we rather carry that pride with us and not say what we meant to say). To me so long as I remain true to what ultimately makes me happy and at peace.

I guess life is too short for us to play games or to please others above ourselves. Like what Dido said "Nothing I have is truly mine" from her "Life for Rent" song (very profound but true). Life on earth is a temporary destination. Don't catch the drift? Oh well, one day, just one day we will all find a place we can call "Home" - a resting place for our heart and soul.

White Flag
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it
Well, I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
 
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
 
I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of It's over
Then I'm sure that that makes sense
 
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
 
And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All I was then
Will be there still
I'll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on
 
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

What a weekend!

After a long day at work on Friday night, went for dinner to catch up with a buddy (after she got herself a new job and my return from my dive trip - she is kinda keen to take up diving so I have some "psycho-ing" to do ha!).

Now, am off to read James Patterson "Sam's Letters to Jennifer" on the ride home in the MRT ...

Extracted from Sarah Mclachlan's "Fallen":
We all begin with good intent
When love is raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear

Brilliant Manado Dive Sites

Even on my way to work this morning, I was reminiscing the brilliant dive experience at Manado (how I envy my dive buddy who is still diving; he stayed on for 8 days while I could just afford time away from work for 5 days including the weekend ... darn, I actually missed Lembeh dive site!).

If you are an ardent diver who is passionate about abundant aquatic life (big and small), then Manado is the place for you - the wall dives were simply marvellous with great visibility of up to 20 metres. The only set back for me was having to brave the colder Indonesian waters (about 26 deg C) as compared to Malaysian waters (30 deg C) and the constant surge of currents from all over and thermoclines (I lost some weight these past few months due to long work hours and improper meal time).

What I saw at Bunaken Marine Conservation Dive Sites - crocodile fish, lion fish (they are everywhere), leaf scorpion fish, pigmy seahorse, razorfish, napolean wrasse (resident Lucy), mandarin fish (beautiful and rare indeed during my night dive), hawkfish, cow fish, goat fish, cat fish (sounded like a farm huh?), various nudibranches (blue-yellow, striped, turqouise), batfish, garden eel, sea grass, trumpetfish, razorfish, sharks, turtle (with remoras), ribbon eel, baraccuda, trevally... these on top of the usual sightings in Malaysian waters.

Dive sites covered throughout the 3 days of diving - Manado tua, Muka Gereja, Fokoi, Leguan 1, Leguan 2, Popo, Barracuda House Reef and Premas House Reef (heard from my dive buddy that Black Rock night dive was great; he extended his stay while I had to catch a flight the next day hence missed out on that, darn!).

Although we stayed at Barracuda Dive Resort, the lead local divers were from other places (they were specifically arranged to lead us as they were among the best there is at Manado - thanks Jacky and Martines for your sharp eyes, patience and perseverance to let us soak in Manado's beauty, quick wit and humour and your constant discipline towards safety).

We also got to experience night life in Manado as well as attend a cultural festivity by one of the hospitable folks at the former Minahasa Dive Resort (Thanks Ferris, for the wonderful food and company at your home). The news about the murder of a church priestess led us to experience security checks by the stoic police at one of the road blocks (what an experience!).

In short, I will go back to Manado to dive again in a heart beat; an experience I will remember for life. Hmm, maybe Sipadan will get a run for its money (given the cheaper flights) ;P

As for now, am planning my next destination - Perhentian? Sipadan Kapalai? Layang-Layang? Phuket? Have to discuss with the gang :)

Hey, my nickname is "Remora" given by my dive buddy. I am almost convinced that I am not cut out for deep wall dives (we almost hit decompression!) although I don't mind drift dive (so relaxing!) and reef dive. But hearing feedback from the guys telling me that I'm a safer diver than the rest of the girls, kinda inspired me to reach my aim of becoming a Dive Master (maybe in a year or two).

The only 'irritating' experience throughout this dive trip is that I have to be gracious about the unwanted attention; it became so unbearable to my gal pal to the point of irking her! Its not like I did not make it clear that I am seeing someone (mentioned his name countless times) Oh well, guess some people take the approach of "if you don't try you wouldn't know".

Mixed Emotions

I am going through a roller coaster of mixed emotions today - I feel esctatic about the trip, yet anxious of the 'unwanted' attention. Relieved to take a break from work, yet worried about the turn of events upon my return. A sense of melacholy about the 'us', yet there's renewed hope and strength for 'tomorrow'. Its a battle within my heart and mind, yet my soul is at peace. Don't make sense? Its ok, just enjoy the lyrics by Sarah Mclachlan :)

Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

All the fear has left me now; I'm not frightened anymore
It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh;
It's my mouth that pushes out this breath
And if I shed a tear I won't cage it ; I won't fear love
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it; I won't fear love

Companion to our demons ; they will dance and we will play
With chairs candles and cloth, making darkness in the day
It will be easy to look in or out, upstream or down without a thought
And if I shed a tear I won't cage it ; I won't fear love
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it; I won't fear love

Peace in the struggle to find peace;
Comfort on the way to comfort

PS: "Let your love be stronger than your hate and anger. Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break" – H G Wells

Here I Come, Manado

One more day to my much anticipated Manado dive! Hope to learn how to publish the Manado dive photos here when I return :)

Last nite, I went for Yoga to de-stress (am really loving it). And the funny thing was, when I returned home, I was actually checking myself out in the mirror... hmm, not bad at all haha! The toning up really works, not to mention a stress relief ;P

Work has been hectic but things are turning out fine, Alhamdulillah. And today a colleague informed me that a senior of mine wants to keep in touch. Its been years since we contacted each other (back in 1998).

Anyway, regardless of the hustle and bustle of life and work, today is special. Simply coz its the 15th of the month (hope you are hanging in there, dar).

I'd like to end this note with a heart warming poem (thanks, sweet Ryan):-

"Something About Her"
Here I am, not knowing where I stand.
Here I am, looking for a place to land.
My heart in the palm of her hand,
A boy dying to be her man.
Between tomorrow and yesterday
What I really want to say
Is that I'm falling for something about her.

She is to me the rainbow through the rain.
She is to me the laughter through the pain.
Like sugar from the cane, directly through my veins.
She's living in my dreams
She's a vision, and it seems
That I'm falling for something about her

My life has been a ship sailing sea to sea.
My life has been completely set free.
Moments of ecstasy, all I could hope it to be.
Now with her I'd like to share
To show her how much I care
'Cause I'm falling for something about her.

I'd like to say I'll love her night and day
I'd like to say I'll never turn away
Forever, come what may
By her side I'll always stay
She's every star that's in the sky
Every glimmer in my eye
And I'm falling for something about her.

"The grass always looks greener on the other side. Take a magnifying glass and look deeply into it." - Anonymous

When You Are Not Looking...

Last night, I went to the Manado Dive Trip briefing session, after a long day at work.. Over BK quick bites during briefing, I got unnecessary attention from some guy (Made a new friend; Kelvin's nice). Flattered but nah.

For now, all I know is I need some time to figure out what I truly want. I somehow believe that through adversity, your true strength of character is revealed (how you handle a situation speaks much of your value system and maturity).

Regardless, I never fail to say a daily prayer for that constant someone - that he is in good health, that everything is fine and that he is taking this time apart with an equally positive outlook. I leave our fate in Allah's hands and look forward to our reunion soon (miss him and his voice), God Willing. Amen.

At times like this, ballads from Sarah Mclachlan fills the void in my heart...

There's Got To Be More To Life!

Suddenly Stacie Orrico's song is playing in my head as I slog through another long work day! Time: 8.45pm.

I was just hanging out, celebrating a belated birthday of my diving buddies last night and we were all in agreement that there is more to life than work, courtship, marriage, etc? I was actively advocating personal enrichment and growth (we plan to take up rock-climbing next, hehehe can strike that off from my wish list woohoo!) :)

I don't know why, besides keeping fit mentally and physically with pilates, yoga, aerobics, diving, rollerblading, I have a thirst for learning new and adventurous activities like skydiving (though its expensive, have to seriously consider this hmmm).

Oh well, I remember someone important used to tell me, "Live each day like there's no tomorrow, work like you don't need the money and love like you've never been hurt before." True indeed, don't you think. I'll end today's note with a poignant poem (thanks, Katie):

If I Didn't Make Mistakes
And if I did not make mistakes
And give too brief a thought to heavy questions
And too much time to little matter;
Or if I always knew which road to travel
Where every step would lead me into daylight
And if each face that turned to watch me pass
Was broken by a smile;
Or if whenever I should choose to lay my heart
Bare upon the sun-warmed grass,
It always was returned with tender touches
And carried by a song;
And if my heaviest burden were only to be
A breeze upon my back, and blossom in my hair,
And my brow was never crossed with lines of pain;
If all this endless summer were my lot
And winter's fury never beat me back,
Then I never would have seen the stormy nights
Through which I've struggled, fought and won;
I never would have known the joy of needed comfort given,
Or the essence of a friend.

PS: Happy birthday bro (070773) and belated to Val (230674)

Only Nich Can Bring Me To Tears

"My Dearest, I miss you my darling, as I always do, but today is particularly hard because the ocean has been singing to me, and the song is that of our life together..." - Message In A Bottle (Nicholas Sparks)

Being a Nicholas Sparks fan, I was so glad to be able to catch his movie that was showing on TV last night. The sad ending brought me to tears but more importantly, it brought back memories of someone special.

The view of the ocean reminded me of our times diving in the deep blue sea. I am taking it one step at a time, living day by day the best I can. I pray to the Almighty that you are doing better than I am in the States and that the meeting with your parents went well. The worse that could happened to me is that I become stronger than Theresa through it all (go watch the movie), God-willing. Have a wonderful Independence Holiday...